just bc someone has low self esteem or has depression doesnt mean theyre not fucking disgusting and manipulative and i keep having to learn this lesson over and over
Dear everyone with depression:
It can definitely get better. It is still there. I still woke up at 9am, and stayed in bed until 12pm, and was feeling bad about it today, and guilty, but sometimes I can make that little voice sound like that character you really hate in that one show, and you can flip it the bird.
I got up later and went on to make an important phone call, and I wasn’t nervous as I usually am, or messed up, and it didn’t take me the effort it normally does. I made plans with a friend for lunch tomorrow, and the twinge of anxiety that had become commonplace isn’t there, not telling me that I will look terrible and going “But I am so tired” or telling me that I will mess things up or anything.
I feel healthier. I can look up to the sunlight and I am doing things. I feel generally content and can feel good about something as simple as making my bed.
I needed to reach this stability again. It’s so good to be me.
The knowledge that you can and will get out of it occasionally is really useful, so reblogging this.
today i noticed i was sitting around worrying about whether the laundry i left in the machine was mildewed, rather than going and finding out. and i thought, “wait a sec, that is an old habit from when i couldn’t handle dealing with setbacks. i no longer need to be anxious about that. if it’s mildewed i’ll wash it again with some baking soda, and i won’t feel guilty or like a failure.”
and the mental block broke, and i went and dealt with the laundry, and it was JUST LAUNDRY. one more link of the chains that have bound me as long as i can remember fell away.
it’s amazing to me how long it’s taking to break the habits of a lifetime of depression and anxiety. each former source of worry, guilt, etc needs to be dealt with on an individual basis, multiple times. but every time i confront one of these, i make a little bit of progress, and things get a little bit easier.
Anonymous said: *whispers* the show you were asked in the tags 'what show is this' is called in the flesh, or rather bbc in the flesh. informative anon is out
Ahhh thank you so much!